Kirin "White Coffee"

Bitter and metallic, but not repugnantly so. It comes in a screw-top can with an extra-wide mouth to facilitate slammage. To make a long story short, it forces you to come off as awkward and aloof by barraging you with late-night phone calls to talk about "stuff" and guilt trips you into showing up for softball games. Release the guilt by inviting it for beers at that place in Shimokitazawa and dueting on Total Eclipse of the Heart at karaoke. See, you're not aloof. You like "hanging" just as much as the next person. But please, no more calls, White Coffee.

-- David Cady