Ever wonder what coffee does to a man's virility? Me neither. But 300-plus years ago, it was a big concern, as revealed by this week's Canned Coffee entree from 1674, The Women's Petition Against Coffee. Here's a snippet of the women's dismay at what coffee did to their menfolk:

(T)o our unspeakable Grief, we find of late a very sensible Decay of that true Old English Vigor; our Gallants being every way so Frenchified, that they are become meer Cock-sparrows, fluttering things that come on Sa sa, with a world of Fury, but are not able to stand to it, and in the very first Charge fall down flat before us. Never did Men wear greater breeches, or carry less in them of any Mettle whatsoever. There was a glorious Dispensation ('twas surely in the Golden Age) when Lusty Ladds of Seven or eight hundred years old, Got Sons and Daughters; and we have read, how a Prince of Spain was forced to make a Law, that Men should not Repeat the Grand Kindness to their Wives, above NINE times a night; but Alas! Alas! Those forwards Days are gone.

Long gone. Before you take your next sip of morning joe, go to our sister site, cannedcoffee.com, and read why the women of 17th Century England urge you to reach for the Viagra instead.