5 ½ years ago, Debra O’Connor was my midwife. I was 31, my first baby, and it was supposed to be a water birth. Her boyfriend Gordon was to heat the jacuzzi at her house, so that I could labor there. He was also to take pictures. I was in labor for two days (49 hrs total), plenty of time to heat the tub, but it didn't happen.
When I got to Debra's house, she and Gordon were fighting. Result: No photos from Gordon, cold jacuzzi. Debra all this time was hands off, not at all concerned. No reassurances, no warmth. It was as though I was inconvenient and in the way. She had so much going on. A friend of hers showed up with her 2 kids, upset because she had a husband who was in jail and she was going through a divorce. Or so it was explained to me later by my doula. Debra had also invited a bunch of young girls to witness my child's birth without my permission. That is probably routine in a hospital, but was very surprising behavior for a midwife. I knew none of those people. My doula was sleeping, my husband was sleeping and one woman, Collette, came to my rescue. Thank you Collette. I had severe back labor and she was right with me for the final 8 hours of labor. 6 hours later I was finally able to get in the tub. It was still cold. When I ate a strawberry in the pool and threw it up, Debra (who was standing far way) turned to one of her "apprentices" and told her oh she's in transition, see how the food came right up? No concern, no hug, no reassurances. Debra was on stage, and I was the spectacle, all these wide-eyed young girls so uninvited and impressed (with my labor!). Debra was so distant, unkind, unhuman. The tub was way too cold and try as I might I could not labor there. When I got out of the tub Debra's idea was to use a small single bed (Danish I think, so very small) in Debra's basement that was not prepped. I'm 5'10" so the bed was way too short for me. I waited while they went and got sheets and put them on the bed, (severe contractions, My husband and doula were holding me up). When I got on the bed on my hands and knees the sheets were some kind of really slippery material and I slipped (I was freezing and still wet as well) and both my knees went out in two different directions. That groin injury took about a year to heal, and it still goes out from time to time if I do any real walking. After that, I was so tired and I said I wanted to rest for a little while. My contractions had pretty well stalled out in the face of my cold and pain. Debra finally was there, but she was in my face and nasty. She militantly told me that the problem was me and I needed to have this baby NOW. How I hated her at that moment. She was still on stage in front of all those girls. It was awful. She told me to push. I went ahead and pushed, not even with much of an urge. Labor did eventually pick up again and my child was born and I held her, the crowd of strangers around us. After delivering the placenta, I asked Debra to stitch me up as my entire 'area' was blown out. I believe that was due to the forced pushing. She quoted some new research about women not needing stitching. I disagreed with her. But I was too exhausted to put up a fight with her and I was breastfeeding my new baby and so happy about my little one. Then I began to bleed. I told Collette, and she told Debra. What followed was an unprepared for harrowing experience, like something out of MASH during the bombings. Debra would not transport me or call a paramedic. She had young girls running all over fetching supplies. They set up some sort of temporary flashlight lighting, because the basement was so dark. Debra was ripping off bloody gloves and throwing them down, one after another. Debra ran out of gloves, and went in barehanded, trying to save my life before it drained out of me. She was asked if they should call for transport. She ignored it. I told her, there is a strand caught in my cervix. She ignored me. She kept looking for a tear. She was shaking. Her hands her shaking. Finally she saw the strand caught in my cervix and pulled it out, gave me a shot in my leg. The bleeding stopped. Was I as militant as her about not going to the hospital? No. Did I want to go? No. Was I qualified to make that decision under those circumstances? Absolutely not. Should I have gone? Yes. Did Debra knowingly avoid transport because she knew she was already under fire as there was a lawsuit and several other complaints pending? I believe so. There were many witnesses, including my husband, my doula, and all the strangers she had invited. I had wanted a water birth. That was why I had gone with Debra. Word of mouth was she was awesome. In action, I suppose she was. And if I had been in a 3rd world country without access to any other type of medical care, I would probably feel more grateful. Fact is, it was all about Debra. I was just another one of her near casualties. Later, I was getting ready to go home. Debra suggested we spend the night in another bed that was also in her basement. This was a new foldout couch fullsize bed. I was exhausted and we stayed. The next morning she came in and said you can go home. My husband and I got me dressed and got our stuff. Debra came back down the stairs and was talking to us. I stood up to walk and fell flat, everything went black. They had to help me up to a chair to sit. I was so dizzy. Later, I was getting ready to go home. Debra suggested we spend the night in another bed that was also in her basement. This was a new foldout couch fullsize bed. I was exhausted and we stayed. The next morning she came in and said you can go home. My husband and I got me dressed and got our stuff. Debra came back down the stairs and was talking to us. I stood up to walk and fell flat, everything went black. They had to help me up to a chair to sit. I was so dizzy. I asked if I should go to the hospital. She told me if I went to the hospital that they would want to admit my baby as well and would do unnecessary tests on her, and that they would put her in a nursery away from me. She said it might be days before I could go home. I so wanted to go home. Debra had me frightened with stories of unnecessary medical interventions and had previously given me lots of negative literature about hospitals. She did not suggest going to the hospital or having a transfusion ever, or any other type of care. She ignored it.
My body took 2 YEARS to recover from the excessive blood loss and it took two years to get my strength back. At the time (unknown to me) she was under the lawsuit investigation, and transport would have meant risk to her. Going to the hospital was certainly no risk to me. And if I had told my story at the hospital, she would certainly have had to face another attack from medical personnel. I did tell my story later. And I did seek medical attention. And I was told by a woman who worked in the post-natal profession that Debra is dangerous and well-known by medical practitioners as being dangerous. I am so sorry to hear that she is going to be allowed to practice again, particularly in the face of so many baby deaths. There is a point where medical intervention is necessary, and in hindsight, had I known my true state of health, I would have gone to the hospital right away. I trusted Debra. A huge mistake, but I am so grateful my child is alive and safe, and that I too am alive and safe. Had I known about the lawsuits and complaints, and that babies had died in her care, I would never have been there with her in the first place. It is my opinion that Debra takes unnecessary risks. Debra is very smart, very fluent, and very convincing. Do I take responsibility for the choices I made? Absolutely. Did I learn from them? Absolutely. Would I do it differently? Absolutely. Learn from my naivete. Don’t risk yourself or your baby.

what a terrifying experience, especially for a first child. it's enough to shock anybody out of giving birth with a midwife, let alone having another baby. i'm glad that you and your baby survived the experience. even a smooth childbirth is enough of an ordeal.